No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
