oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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