Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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