I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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