these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
