He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
