Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
