Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
