We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
