...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
