How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
