So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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