i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
