A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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