**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
