Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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