You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
