i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
birth control should be required to get into college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
