I'm really into asian looking animals
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
