you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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