im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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