My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
