Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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(203): View more from Connecticut

the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them

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(646): View more from New York

You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

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(949): View more from California

I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.

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(240): View more from Maryland

im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.

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(281): View more from Texas

I am a taco. I am also really high.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.

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