I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
