I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
