It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
