i was born a porn star she said
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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