What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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