look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
