It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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