Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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