Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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