What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You can't motorboat a personality
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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