1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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