Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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