Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
