Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
