3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
