dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
