Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
