I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
