I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
