fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
