3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
