Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
