I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
