He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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