i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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