last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think my fart just growled at me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
