They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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