I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
