The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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