Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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