i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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