Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
