honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
