So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
