I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
