I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
