I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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