dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
