I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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