Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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