If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
