I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
