I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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