You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
