Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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