Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
