is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
