Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
