you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
