I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
