walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
