Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
