So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
