It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
