he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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