Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
