I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
