if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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