remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
