dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
