hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
