Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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