i permit you to call me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
