Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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