she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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